THE FRIED TRUTH REVEALS HIDEOUS SECRETS ABOUT REAL LACK OF INTEREST IN AMERICAN LIVES!!!!!The Fried Truth continues to roll the news of the day in a pancake batter of honesty and integrity, dip it in a bubbling grease pit of media scrutiny and spin control, and wash it all down with a tall glass of liquid determination topped off with a mint sprig of public outrage.
According to sources high up in the world of social networking and public interactions, the amount of people who truly care about your life is lower than you ever could have conceived in your wildest dreams. The Peak Trend Social Actions Institute reports that not one individual registered in the category "Cares In The Slightest" when asked about your mundane existance, 5 sent back the survey with malicious threats of legal action if contacted again about the idea of "Giving a Rats'Ass About Any of This" and negative numbers were reported for every other part about your life that was on the survey including "Your kids and family and any other boring details about what you bought at Starbucks". Data compiled by the Arbitrary Thoughts Organization was even less supportive, revealing a shocking lack of interest in anything you have to add to life in general with large, round zeroes filling up the number totals in every measureable area including "Interest in Dumb Viral Videos You Found Funny" and the catch-all category of "Things You Actually Think I Would Waste My Valuable Time On At Any Moment of My Life".
That last one is a pretty exhaustive study as you can tell by the length of the topic.
The researchers are hoping that, armed with this new information and an actual social life, Americans will refrain from texting, tweeting, facebooking, myspacing, and interfacing with other Americans and get back to actually doing something productive with their lives.
Fat Chance! says the cultural cluelessness of the good, old U S A! And the Fried Truth seconds that outcry of social ineptitude. What would this country be without a tweeted update about baby bathroom routines, texted teen apathy about the enui of learning anything, or facebook pages of so-called friends you've never met, will never meet, and probably don't want to meet, unless conjugal visits are on the top of your social to do list?
If you have any breaking information on this burning issue, please keep it to yourself, because in the world of The Fried Truth, there are always bigger fish to fry.
