Salinger was a gladhanding, insufferable boob!

Unimpressed Everett Colson lived next door to Catcher In The Rye Legend




Everett Colson lived next door to supposed recluse J.D. Salinger for the better part of 40 years and had nothing but bad things to say about the literary legend.


"You couldn't read the paper in peace,without old urine breath stopping by to brag about his dumb kids playing a log in a school play or saying something that wasn't even worth remembering in the first place. What an asshole."


Mr. Colson, who owned Colson's Drawer Pulls and Insignificancies in neighboring Harbor Hole, said his recollections were hindered by "years of torturous social interactions forced upon me by that gladhanding, insufferable boob! His ham-fisted hand print is still embedded in my back to this day. You wouldn't know a good cosmetic surgeon, would you?"



When pressed to show us hard evidence of these details, Mr. Colson immediately brought out a shoe box full of Christmas cards and told us to "feel free to dig through and see if you can find the annual Salinger Family Card. Who cares about your latest promotion to Vice President of Diddely Squat, your wife playing tennis with Sharon Davidson, or a secret closet safe full of the rantings of a madman? I mean give me a break already. Get your drawer pull and get out."


Mr. Colson also reported the regular rude indignities of Salinger walking his mange-infested mutts and leaving behind enough doggie piles to start a fecal mattered tribute to the Green Mountain range.




"Yeah, he was a real recluse, if by that you mean a real wreck to let loose on society or any body that just asks for a few minutes of peace without Captain Windbag going on and on and on about anything that blows through that deserted factory of a brain. Good riddance, now I can have my morning coffee without trembling in fear that Sir Socially Retarded won't bother me about the weather or the local high school elections."

You can fool some of the people some of the time

And the rest don't put up much of fight!

American Chaos takes time out of our busy day for a moment of silence. Pause. That moment of silence is for the end of common sense, that valiant ideal posed by Thomas Payne and later passed over for a daily life lesson promotion time after time after time, and any sense of dignity or progressive thought. The link tells the rest. Have a nice day and keep looking up to the stars!

TV News

Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck (Fox News)
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Poll: Fox Most Trusted Name in News, Beck Tops O’Reilly
by James Sims Jan 27th, 2010 10:19 AM Comments 174
A new poll ranks Glenn Beck as the top personality on Fox News, but don’t expect Bill O’Reilly to congratulate his network cohort — word is O’Reilly flipped out after discovering he wasn’t No. 1.
Beck came in No. 2 in a Harris Interactive poll, just under Oprah, which asked who people’s favorite TV personality is. O’Reilly was listed at No. 10.
“Beck capturing on the Harris poll has caused some angst amongst O’Reilly’s camp,” an insider told the Huffington Post.
As for Fox News, another poll found that the conservative network is “the only outfit trusted by more people than distrust it,” reports Time.com.
“Angst” or not, O’Reilly and Beck are putting their differences aside as they appear together around the country on the Bold Fresh Tour, billed as providing the truth, “straight up, whether you like it nor not.”
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COMMENTS174

World goes to hell in handbasket and nobody cares!!!!

"Must be work of angry God", says crazy TV preacher!!

John Simington of the Resource Center for Inexact Sciences and Debatable Data has released a statement that world events have gone beyond the highway to hell, detoured around the road to hell paved with good intentions, and headed straight to hell in a handbasket, thereby superceding any need for any alarm system of Hell's Bells that may have the effect of waking anybody up from their Vogue magazine reading stupor. Mr. Simington, (pictured at left), went beyond all levels of feigning when it came to the world of surprise, in stating-"Just look at this place, it's a hell hole. And the worst part of it all is that nobody cares". Nobody was available to comment for the entire world and it's apathy.

American Chaos Loves New Year!!!

New Attitude Does The Trick!!! Just look at 2010!!

It's a cutie!!!

The staff at American Chaos is heralding in the new year instead of welcoming it due to extensive research on heralding and welcoming that indicates the general public prefers heralding over welcoming by an overwhelming 5 to 1 majority. We have to admit it has changed our view of the little tike known as Baby New Year. With a new mandatory health care insurance package, the announcement that certain members of Congress will not run for re-election, and a new season of Lost and 24 , we are positively smitten with 2010. Maybe it's puppy love or a result of using old heart medications, but we can't say enough about the hope, humble nature, and big heartedness of this new year. If you feel differently you're just not paying attention to all the good news coming our way and you're probably a Gloomy Gus who sees dark clouds on the sunniest day. We used to be like that at AC. Not anymore. We read a Joel Osteen book and realized we were heading down a road to nowhere fast if we didn't slam on the breaks and get a front end allignment done on our forward thinking. And you know what? So far it's worked wonders around the office. People say Please and Thank You even when they're not asked to, and nobody has called in sick when they are obviously just going to go to a ball game or sleep off a bad hangover. 2010 , you're the best thing that ever happened to this non-existant humor blog. Want to go see a movie tomorrow?