Thanksgiving Special Edition- What We're Thankful For This Year

THANKSGIVING LIST FOR 2009

The staff at American Chaos is thankful for the following:

1. Videos featuring piano playing cats - they show us how grateful we should be for having way too much time on our hands- WAY TOO MUCH TIME!!!



2. Fake English Accents- Especially the ones that sound like they were taken from a high school drama class. You weren't good at it then and the forecast for future improvement is not very bright.



3. Videos featuring people talking into their web cams- We are spellbound by technology, especially when it is placed in the hands of people who have so much to say and so little time to edit it.



4. E-mails with flash animation- If they feature photographed heads of friends on top of holiday characters, you are the king of a very small mountain. This one should go hand in hand with number three



5. E-mails that have three page attachments- They try our patience and that is always a good character builder, though it can strain friendships and ruin marriages.



6. People who talk about their children, themselves, and their children- Scintillating conversationalists unite!



7. Friends who are really acquaintances in disguise- See number 6.



8. People in their 20s who are heading for a fall and don't see it coming- you know the type- they have created the world, only to find out that it was created out of asbestos and EPA banned chemicals and has to be taken down for the mental and physical health of all the world.



9. Mash-ups of classic rock with popular singers of today- Thank you for mashing musical genres up the way Mr. Magoo mashes up automobiles at rush hour



10. Wall Street- where would the world be without financial institutions who rely on the kindness of strangers like you to keep them floating their craps game right in front of the vice cops known as the Securities Exchange Commission.

Thank you one blog follower, you keep us writing this tripe for no real apparent reason. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Bamboozled- You All Gotta Be Outta Your Minds

Only White Folks Can Come Up With This Stuff!!

Listen, children, I don't trust The Man any more than you do, but you crazy ass crackers are saying and doing some pretty outta this world stuff about the Prez. Keep it real little childrens. Don't be copping no conspiracy about the president being born in the back seat of a Caddy in Haiti or losing his citizenship papers in a low class joint in Compton or being more Muslim than Malcolm X, Kareen Abdul Jabbar and that Cat Stevens dude all rolled into one. White people, do you ever see a muslim dude all smooth on the razor? You all starting to worry this brother. I know you running scared,because every day you wake up there is a little coffee with your morning newspaper, but we was stuck with white folks in the white house for ever and you never heard us talking about seeing a ghost or getting their gout-carrying, ridiculous looking facial haired, hillbilly familied buh hinds out the door. Damned boys and girls, you know the Bam never boozled you no way no how, but you all crying Nazi, Hitler, and all other type of White Man Invented craziness. You white people got me laughing so hard about how nasty you all got it cause your President want to finally do something about the world you invented. You know the world of slavery, gout, incest, slavery, Civil Wars, more slavery, Mutton chops, free enterprise, super improved slavery, Pat Boone, Sweaters that you tie around your neck, slavery and, oh yeah slavery. I'm worried about you, my little pale-faced freaks. You going all George Wallace, Grand Dragon and Waco, Texas on the Bam and that is not a good trifecta in my horse track of life, babies. Chill out, we aren't going to steal your white women, place you on plantations or take you back on a god forsaken ship to your homelands in Europe. We cool with you all just giving us some props, some jobs, and some space where we don't have to worry that the Fantastic Mr. Fox News going to spring up from his hole and get you all carrying torches like Frankenstein is back in town and this time he's brought the Mothership. So please, get a grip before your neck get redder, and that is not a flattering look for my White On Brothers. So keep it real the way you feel and you won't end up with the raw end of the deal.

Dr. Joe McCratty Makes It Easy To Find Muslims

Dr. Joe McCratty knows a muslim when he sees and hears one!!!

I'm Doctor Joe McCratty from the Institute of Things You Should Know About. Did you know that a muslim is easy to spot from a hundred yards away, and even easier to hear on one of their disguised speech broadcasts? You might be surprised to find out just who is a muslim according to a few good old boys down at the local canteen:

American Leadership Network
11811 N Freeway, Suite 500
Houston, Texas 77060
281-591-4774
Fax 281-591-4706
http://www.americanleadershipnetwork.com/


November 12, 2009

To: ALN & AVIDD Email Lists
Watch This Quickly Before It Gets Pulled!!!

Pass on to your network... before it gets pulled!!!
Obama admits he is Muslim... Unbelievable!!!
Watch this QUICKLY -- It may get ZAPPED OFF the Internet soon!!!
The strongest video clips I have ever seen and they are from his own mouth…http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=tCAffMSWSzY#t=28

Were you stumblebuttoned by the very sight and sound of our own President Traitor admitting his love affair with all things muslim? I'm sure I don't talk for just myself when I say something has to be done about all this or we are going to be facing a threat that the book Left Behind probably left behind. I hope you take this video seriously readers and write your congressman, your senator or the local pharmacist to get the cure for what ails this country. Muslims are not a laughing matter and our President Traitor is not a laughing president. Need I say anymore?

And remember, when it comes to muslims of any kind, keep 200 paces away, wear a necklace furnished from garlic sprigs, and always, always, Watch Out!

Woman thinks Sarah Palin is just like her!!!

Michigan woman mistakenly sees parallels between humdrum existance and Palin celebrity life.


Sheila Grapman, 46, of Grand Rapids, Michigan told this reporter that political laughingstock Sarah Palin has many similarities with Ms. Grapman's life.

"I also hate big government and finishing things I start. I don't know what it is about me, but I am the worst procrastinator. If I start something you can bet I am not going to finish it. It's the darndest thing. I also have a teenaged daughter with a baby out of wedlock, a husband named Todd, a snowmobile, a no-good former family member, an axe to grind with the media, and a love for moose tchotkes. See there really isn't much different between me and Sarah Palin. It's like we were twins separated at birth."

We apologize to our readers and promise to do background research before we publish any more posts about women who think they are just like Sarah Palin.

Congratulations, America. You forgot to vote!

AGAIN!!!

American Chaos extends our warmest thanks to all the people who stayed home and decided their governor races were not important enough to miss a rerun of that one Family Guy episode where Stewie says "What the deuce?" and Brian or Peter acts drunk. Chaos says hooray for the apathetic voter who is content with the knowledge that their state is a hell hole and shows no signs of hope in the immediate future. It couldn't happen without your incredible lack of ambition, America. No, no. Put your money away. Your money is no good here. The next hundred drinks are on AC. It's the only way we could possibly see what you see in your America. By the way, you're driving home because we're celebrating another low voter turnout in a non-election year and we plan on being out late. Oh, American Voter, where would we be without you and your dumb love affair with sloth? I think you know the answer to that one, old friend and it reassures you that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Now, where's that remote?

Breaking News!!! This report is all f'd up!!!

This late, breaking news story crossed the Chaos News desk today stating that Health Care Insurance Companies did not make as much profit as really crappy food:

Today's Article: Fact Check: Health Insurer Profits Not So FatFrom: Yahoo NewsWASHINGTON – Quick quiz: What do these enterprises have in common? Farm and construction machinery, Tupperware, the railroads, Hershey sweets, Yum food brands and Yahoo?Click here to view the entire article and classroom discussion questions:http://www.izzit.org/events/index.php

The article, from venerable journalistic giant Yahoo, does alot of things, including skipping over the fact that the Health Insurance Companies were making craploads of money from poor suckers for decades and that any increase is already over a substantial bottom line that most companies can only fantasize about. Oh, that Fact Check, it isn't working on the Yahoo site. The Railroad? Hershey? The companies that make heavy machinery? Wow, that sure is odd. They make more money in profit percentage than Health Insurance Companies!!! Scandalous!! It looks like those insurance companies aren't trying very hard or they forgot that Health Care is Cash, and Profit is Prophetic. Who wrote this piece? Gordon Gecko, would be my first guess, followed closely by Dick Army or Lou Dobbs and all they want is for those cry baby liberals to shut it. Now. Because, they obviously aren't getting their news from such reputable sources as Yahoo or Fuhx News. Chaos hopes you will read the article and then sit back and laugh until you pee your pants. Yes, this report is all f'd up and we were the first to bring you that news. Eat your heart out Huffington post and The Drudge Report. When it comes to F'd up news stories, we're the bomb diddedy!