Condensed Chaos- Business Ideas That Backfired- The Almost Free Enterprise System

Condensed Chaos Presents Business Ideas That Backfired. Today we salute The Almost Free Enterprise System, a concept that promised everyone an equal opportunity to be a success in business provided they sent a check or money order for 19.95 tax and handling before midnight that night. The economists of the day heralded it as both an idea whose time had come and an idea whose time had passed it by and was on the verge of lapping it. It would later be replaced by the equally ludicrous free enterprise system and something called the pyramid scheme and the chain letter

The Fried Truth-Part 2- Maydoff, Makeoff, Let's Call The Whole Thing Fraud

FRIED TRUTH!!!!! COOKED WITH CHAOS!

Oh, my God, Bernie is going away for more than a weekend. He's getting 150 years for fraud. Of course you can subtract 50 for good behavior if good behavior means staying away from all prison card games and not stealing every dollar from every investor he's ever met or wanted to meet. You can take another 50 off for stealing money from the Jews, the one group of people Ugly Americans - the people who watch Fox, listen to Rush, and read Matt Drudge every day- really can't stand. After all the Jews run Hollywood or Hollyweird, according to anyone right of Attila the Hun, and they basically live in all the blue states or the states that let them homie sexies run around doing whatever it is those homie sexies do in their free time. The Jews also killed Jesus or at least that's what Ugly Americans want you to believe in their little show called Things That You Were Meant to Believe ( debut blog coming soon) that runs non-stop in the confused test pattern that passes for thoughts or the place where their cognition key doesn't quite fit. Now we are down to 50 and 25 of those are gone due to poor paper work and corporate glad-handing. That leaves 25 years left and those are probably going to be spent in a country club prison working on short golf games and dreaming up ways that greed can be good for everyone who is tired of it being one of the 7 deadly sins. Thanks, Bible, can you suck the joy out of any other man-made manner of destroying our fellow Americans? Maybe, Bernie can turn this all into a million selling best-seller, like Jack Welch turned sucking the marrow out of the bones of his workers to his own advantage and a marriage to a much younger trophy wife. Keep your fingers crossed, if we believe, anything can happen, as long as we aren't invested in any Ponzi schemes like Mr. M's.

Dr. Joe McCratty- Unions and The Problems They Cause

This is Dr. Joe McCratty from the Institute of Things You Should Know About.

Did you know that the Unions are responsible for the collapse of the Auto Industry, the shoddy quality of American workmanship, the unraveling, moral decay of society, the lower test scores across the board in every part of the pinko world called public education, and, that scourge of free enterprise, the paid bathroom break?

It has become abundantly clear to this sentinel of solid sensibility that the Unions are not content spreading their solly song of socialism to Citizen Sam Sucker and Suzie Simple Thoughts. I guess Willie Worker needs to have a weekend work pass and safety on the job laws that cost Mike Management an extra million every year! I recall a day when kids gladly gave a pound of perspiration and an extra digit or two to keep the cogs of industry and profit humming. Maybe America needs to borrow a page from the Chinese, those labor loving Walmart wonders of thrift, who know there isn't such a thing as child work slaves when teens are unseen and cash is king!!!

So, remember, we didn't build this fine country with Unions. We built them with sweat, elbow grease, and good old fashioned know how known as patronage and exploitation.

And, remember, when it comes to our friends the Unions, Watch Out!!!

The Ballad of The American Voter

The American Voter is involved in a huge pyramid scheme called the primary system where each person who stays home is rewarded with the candidates they deserve.

The American Voter is belligerent with indifference, daring anyone to knock the apathy off its' shoulder and make it care about the past, present, and future of its' nation.

The American Voter pays close attention to the issues that matter most to them. How the images they watch on their television each night convince them to pay for cut rate discounts on their American Dream.

The American Voter willingly lines up in front of the firing range of promises forgotten, character assassinated, and hope manipulated.

The American Voter lays down on the railroad tracks of media lies and spin doctor prescription sound bites, waiting for the locomotive of special interest money to roll over them and democracy.

The American Voter hides behind a chair, afraid its' government will once again come home drunk with power from intimidating the innocents abroad.

The American Voter is proud to live in the land of the free for a price and the home of the false bravado.

The American Voter looks down a winding, coastal highway called opportunity and drives its' 1966 muscle car towards an expanding vision of equality and smiles knowingly, aware that they decide the route, the length and the speed of the journey towards true freedom of choice.

Condensed Chaos Business Ideas That Backfired-The Money Gone Guarantee

Condensed Chaos Presents Business Ideas That Backfired. Today we salute The Money Gone Guarantee. This idea, first espoused by the IRS in 1936, was the first time a business related organization decided to forego any claims of giving people their money back when they knew damned well it would be a cold day in hell when that happened. The Money Gone Guarantee brought honesty to the hallowed halls of corporate America and it hasn’t reappeared since . The motto Now You See It, Now You Don’t did not reverberate in the hearts of America and it was quickly 86ed for the now familiar motto, We’re The IRS , Asshole!!!!

The Fried Truth- Part 1-The Resolution Will Not Be Televised

FRIED TRUTH!!!! COOKED WITH CHAOS!

Gil Scott Heron was right, the Revolution Will Not Be Televised and it definitely won’t make your smile brighter or get rid of ring around the collar, but it will be a clearer picture for the uninitiated thanks to HDTV and the digital age. You can see the revolution coming down the street the way the Jefferson Airplane and their army of Volunteers did more than 40 years ago and it will almost seem like you’re there live and in person. Thank you, thank you, thank you digital television for bringing the message of the streets to our homes live and in living color. Now we can watch the military response to Iraq’s technology driven rebellion with the same arm’s length detachment that we did when the young man bravely stood in front of the tank in Tiananmen Square in 1989 so that his fellow college -aged students could settle for opening their world to western culture while the military dictatorship continued to manipulate their future attempts at change. Yes, Iraq is on the verge of something bigger than the pun-ditzes could ever understand , as long as Lindsey Nelson, John McCain and all those other opportunists in the public eye, shut up and let the energy of change take it’s toll on the constantly raging world of that part of the middle east. That revolution is a lot more about true revolution than the embarrassing spectacle of white bigotry and fringe insanity that was the teabagging punch line organized by the only argument against evolution and even further evidence that there is no intelligent design, at least on the far right- Glen “Mr. Self Promotion”Beck. Yes, the Resolution will not be televised, if it means seeing the world and our part in it any differently than we already do in June of 2009.

Dr. Joe McCratty- Washboarding

This is Dr. Joe McCratty from the Institute of Things You Should Know About.

Did you know that washboarding is the only thing standing between this nation eating sand for supper or praying to Allah and standing up for the good old stars and stripes forever?

I'm sure the lillylivered liberals who love letting terrorists tromp all over our right to choose who we want and don't want to kill, will wimper and simper like the cowardly commies they encompass, ringing their manicured hands with pleas to live by the Geneva Convention laws. Well, let me state unequivocally, that I've been to conventions in Geneva and if there were any conventions that needed to be changed, these delegations of dullness take first prize. When the world tells us it's torture to gag Mohammed, pour a generous serving of H2O suffocation down his nostrils and force him to make up a few facts about things going boom in the night,then it's time to close up the borders and go home.

Washboarding is not just for jug bands and laundry tubs, it's also the only way to keep the towelheads from taking over the god given land we love.

Remember, the next time you hear some do-gooder tell you that washboarding is torture, tell them to tell that to Al Quaeda and his brother Bob and always, always,
Watch Out!

Dr.Joe McCratty- Bailing out the banks

This is Dr. Joe McCratty from the Institute of Things You Should Know About.

Did you know that there are some knee jerk nincompoops who think that bailing out the banks is a bad idea?

Do these people remember who cashes their checks and hands out free pens at the Independence Day Parade every year? Apparently not.

These thankless wonders who think less of the wonders of the banking system have forgotten that the bankers are the ones who bailed them out when things were bad by setting up loan agreements so they could drink away their college years at University of College State and State College University while their parents toiled away at the kind of jobs your current crop of people pleasing leaders threw away so they could join the blame game already in progress.

Listen up Larry and Lorie Liberal, a couple billion in bailouts for my buddies in banking is a drop in the bucket compared with the amount of money you waste supporting the candidacy of dunderheads like Dennis Kucinich and that actor guy Alec
Baldins, or Terry Pennwin, or whoever they are out in Hollycrud.

Don't ever forget the bankers without bailouts would just be another group of golfers in loud pants looking for a hand out instead of the upstanding men and women who creatively tuck your hard earned money away in foreign investments like AIG Europe, or World Bank Something I can't quite place at the moment,

Anyways, remember, always remember when it comes to banks and blowing off bailouts, brother, Watch Out!

Dr. Joe McCratty- Gas Prices

I’m Dr. Joe Mc Cratty from the Institute Of Things You Should Know About.

Did you know that there are people in America that think gas prices are too high?

These same people would have you believe in all sorts of silliness, thinking that the two party system doesn’t work, the catholic church is hopelessly stuck in the middle ages, and that you can’t get a good pair of dungarees for under a sawbuck, and that a dollar doesn’t buy what it used to buy. I say poppycock,Commander! This soldier is in the battle to stay and I say the horse and buggy was good enough for a 7 year old Joseph Mc Cratty, it’s good enough for this year of which I’m not sure of the number.

So the next time you’re ready to throw a conniption over a mere 2 and a half dollars a gallon of gasoline, remember, there are choices we make every day and some of those choices may not be the ones we made ourselves but rather those of the others who choose to go down that road of life with horsepower or horse power. And remember, always remember, Watch Out

Word for the day -chaossinate

Colonel Chaos is our Imperial Word Wonder, Boys and Girls- see him on our Chaos Kids page coming soon!

Chaossinate- definition- assassination or total obliteration of credibility, integrity, power,and status in the world of politics, religion, society, and popular culture. Example: We will chaossinate the entire Fox News channel on the next blog. Ann Coulter, you've been chaossinated! You are essential reading for people who can't understand why there is no such thing as intelligent design-which is fairly warned that it has a large target on the back of its' whole scientific or lack of scientific reasoning- Ann, if you hurry you may be able to catch the last train to Snarksville. Nobody with an IQ just north of the mongoloid line has any time for your barely researched, ghostwritten, ego candy. Oh, by the way, the guy at the Baton Club wants his adams' apple back. Good luck with your new book: Eating Disorder, Brain Disorder or How lack of nutrition and oxygen created the Coulter syndrome, you know that syndrome that makes you believe all your press releases and book jacket junk. Next up: Sean Hannity.