Memorial Day- A tribute to those who served and didn't come back

MEMORIAL DAY 2010- When will we ever learn

They say that we are doomed to repeat the past when we don't pay close enough attention to the lessons that it teaches all of us. Sure, we will lay wreaths and flowers at the graves of those who we romantically connect to the heroism of service to our nation. We will have veterans and politicians speak through screachy monitors about the good life that is surrendered so others don't have to surrender one moment of their lives for others. And there will be parades down our suburban streets led by troops who have returned home to a world that must seem stranger than the one they left years ago. We will grill, go to the beach, watch blockbuster summer epics about Iron men and Robin Hoods who know more about tea parties than any of these fat white guys who diet on vitriol and bitterness on Fox every night. We will carry a heavy place in our hearts for those who never got to realize their youthful dreams because they did not reside at the proper address of social economics and higher education. Both parties will exploit this day to sell their wares to any and all comers, like the wild west snakeoil pushers of long ago. The sun will come up tomorrow and there will be veterans at our hospitals who may not be covered by health care, can't get proper treatment for PTS or night terrors, or came back to jobs that are no longer available to them because time just went on without them and nobody was asked to sacrifice in a manner to feel what they feel. We will wave flags and drive our bumper sticker-laden cars to whereever it is we need to go to pay the bills and forget. Perfectly healthy individuals will bray about "supporting the troops!", but will be nowhere to be seen when their asked to volunteer to serve. Nothing will take a toll on one soul tomorrow that will demonstrate that we have learned anything from this day and the hurt it will forever represent to some families who won't see their child reach their ultimate potential. That is a truly sad comment on who we are becoming in the year 2010 and a clarion call to make our time together matter in ways that red and blue colored maps will never understand.

Tim's Tirade- Vampires Suck!!

Dennis Miller ranted, Jay Leno had his beef, Keith Olbermann added his special comments, and now the unique voice of Tim Thomas has his own place for tangents in his very first column- Tim's Tirade!! (Picture at left of actual tirade office).

Tim's Tirade-Vampires suck!!!

Vampires suck! Not just blood, they suck the life out of every creative avenue that the permit driving puberty population of American turns down, as long as they are accompanied by an approved adult who approves of their zombie like spending on the type of books, films, TV shows, websites, and merchandise that help keep the eternally youthful Count in his castle in Transylvania or the cast of Twilight in the spotlight for the duration of their 15 minutes of fame.

Vampires suck! Way to go Van Helsing- didn't have the heart to drive that spike through the heart of Dracula, had to let him off easy so he could cash out at the blood bank of recycled ideas and long dead concepts known as Hollywood originality- Softie. Buffy didn't slay enough neck-biters to keep wooden acting, leaden dialogue and tweenmo girls from growing up to become one stop shoppers at the not-so-sweet retreat- the DQ- Drama Queen. Next time you want to kill vampires, send an Army of Darkness who know where They Live and won't be afraid to send someone who "came to kick ass and chew bubble gum" and find themselves woefully lacking in bubblegum at the moment.

Vampires suck! The way Stephanie Meyers' writing sucks- slow painful draws of blood from the reader life line- cursed to live in a hypnotic haze under the manipulative power of media market studies, social networking faux friendships or fauxships, and goose-stepping to shoe or boot- gazing emocrud, the musical dronings of MGMT or some other overrated band that wouldn't get a recording contract if we actually weeded out the good, the bad and the downright ugly like Darwin and Duke Ellington envisioned this all going down some day, before the Taylor Swiftian world of American Idol and indie-school poseurs opened the doors of perception and let everybody with a neck beard, a voice unable to attain a whisper or a scream, and a Philosophy 101 C grade grasp of the world in for an open house tour of the zietgeist, now with 50% less zeit, absolutely zero geist, and artificially sweetened pretensions.

Vampires suck! Listen, I'm not against the occassional vampire living in the neighborhood of pop culture as long as they have an ankle bracelet and register with the local authorities on a predatory night creeps list, I'm just stating the obvious- the VQ or vampire quota has been met, introduced, and allowed to mingle at the overinvited modern influence party until it has gone from witty wonder who entertains the easily entertained, to overindulged house pest who can't pick up social cues like an Asperger kid with Vitamin B deficiency and an act that was retired and old before it debuted at the work place water cooler last Wednesday.

Vampires suck!! If you're over 14 years old and you still care about what these McDreamsickles Turned McNightmares of Ice Cream Chilled Soullessness write in their ghost written Vampire Diaries, your development has been arrested, taken into custody, provided legal counsel, and held without bail to await a trial of your brain dead peers, texting and tweeting their True Blood thoughts to one another like anyone cares or has the time of day to waste on such trivial pursuits.

Vampires suck! When's the last time you can remember a vampire giving back to society what they so selfishly took in the first place- our blood relation to the world of real life where we are free to ride the Wall of Death when we want and not when Count Floyd decides? Please find the Lost Boys before they become the lost generation living on the Lost island of misfit boys, and tell them it isn't cute or rebellious to insist on never growing up and having orgies in the age of horrendous social diseases, diseases like their very existance in the first place. See who's lurking in the Dark Shadows of Nostalgia, ready to pounce on the first signs of a bandwagon rolling through town, and whatever you do, don't send and Invitation to a Vampire for any social get together- There's a reason these poorly coiffed, coffin dwelling dweebs don't see the light of day- They take the Last Train to Dullsville, and I, for one, refuse to board that train.