US OLYMPIC TEAM RUNS OUT OF FLAGS TO WRAP SELVES IN!!!!

Uses hand colored sheets and crappily constructed kids banners instead!

An embarrassed US Olympic team may have some of their medals taken back after the IOC was informed of a little known rule that states that "American victories must be celebrated by the actual act of the victor wrapping themselves in the flag of the United States and cavorting in a public arena". The United States delegation is under surveillance for the final events of the 21st Winter Olympiad to make sure this rule is followed to the letter by all members.

"Wow, that is a steam- stoking curve out bitch!" said one of the Halfpipe Double Aerial Skeleton Team captains when notified of the news.

"The IOC takes American flag wrapping very seriously. We will look into the matter and make a decision that is informed by both knowledge and politics. Was that too confrontational?" said Oobie Newshitlicker of the tiny kingdom of Shudnick.

Thankfully, the quick thinking Americans had an ongoing internet project with Miss Stepford's fifth grade class and were immediately supplied with reams of butcher paper banners with misspelled words and art work best left to refrigerators and family secrets. Well, beggars can't be choosers and the show must go on. Sorry, American Bobsled team for the Hefty bag with the upside down American flag on the back. It's not a reflection on you and I'm sure it won't effect your ability to get all kinds of endorsement deals with, you know, things Bobsled medalists get endorsements for, none of which I can list at the moment.

The Indicted States of America: Illinois keeps our hopes up!!!!

Miss America's Kindergarten Class comes up with winning graphic- again!!!

Thanks kids, it sure is nice to see you all taking an interest in your country, even though it looks suspiciously like the last graphic for the Indicted States. Oh, well, it's all for a good cause, isn't it?

We believe that the following parodies sent to us by some of the kids in Miss America's class show that these boys and girls are really up on their Chaos and have the reading and vocabulary skills of intelligent college students. Hope you still have time to play guns and dolls and wipe your little snot infested noses on the sleeves of unsuspecting adults.

Tommy Peterson, 5- I think my Dad and I are writing a song about the republican governor race to the tune of The Brady Bunch theme song. It's funny, but if I tell you the lyrics, my dad says you will steal the bit.

Wow, that's truly heart-breaking. When did it get to this place? You make a song up on the playground and it's a hit on the school bus. Now Dumb Dad has to drain all the fun out of the process by bringing up the words Intellectual Property. How anti-american.

Janie Simpkins, 6- My mom and I wrote a song for Governor Quinn to the tune of Bob Dylan's Quinn the Eskimoe. Bob Dylan is a jew, but that doesn't mean he is bad or anything. My mom says Jews are good people who own businesses, go to school, and shouldn't be allowed to dictate our Middle East policy. I didn't really want to write the song, but my mom insists that I do it so I can get into this really rich Jewish prep school on the North Shore. I have to go pretend I'm a PC for my Dad now or it's no playing with my friend Tracy today.

Not you too, Janie. You were such a sweet kid. Helicopter parenting should never be mixed with anti-semitism. Just look at what it did to the Bin Laden kids.

Scott Paulson, 6- I wrote a joke about the Lieutenant Governor elect Jake Plummer. It would be a movie about a guy and a girl who is a plummer and how this guy spends 500 days with this plummer. My dad loved it. He didn't vote for Jake Plummer. I've got to get back to texting guns to my friend Todd.

That's more like it, Scott. Boys should be texting guns. We get the concept of the joke, Scott. It needs alot of work, but it has potential.

Suzie McKenna, 5- I came up with a parody of the Nicolas Cage movie Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call- New Orleans. My poster would be of Springfield and it would have a picture of Scott Cohen, the Democratic Lieutenant Governor elect and it would say Bad Lieutenant Governor- Port of Call Springfield. I promise you, Andy McKenna is not my dad.

Sure, Suzie. It's got your braindead dad all over it. Come clean or we'll send a bunch of tea baggers to your house with poorly spelled picket signs and blatantly racist pictures of Scottish Americans dressed like the Joker in the Dark Knight. Now, go play with your PC, you little dickens.

So that's our Indicted States of America update from Miss America's class. Keep up the good work kids!!!

Howard Zinn leaves us with knowledge and inspiration, but little else

People's History of The United States Forgets History of County in New Mexico!!!

Howard Zinn died last week at the age of 87. He wrote, in one last piece in The Nation, that the lack of true courage in our President was dangerous to this country. He fought for progressive visionaries all the way up to the end. His vast knowledge of labor unrest, military duplicity, and small voices rising up from the noise pollution of public debate was stunning. Unfortunately, we at American Chaos were hard pressed to come up with anything else that Mr. Zinn did with his almost 9 decades on this earth. Like, for instance, he never invented anything , did he ever meet a celebrity, make a wall hanging out of maze, win a championship for the local sports team, or bask in the afterglow of a job well-done? It seems like the answers are all a resounding NO!!!. Sad to think that this man also was credited with writing the People's History of The United States and didn't even account for a county in New Mexico called Juevingarms (pronounced Waving Arms) where the first known soda was sipped out of a can and folks walked off their jobs one day because they set their watches and clocks to the wrong time . What might have been and what was, these will be the lasting memories of Mr. Zinn.