Dear Timmy,
It sounds like your friend is under the mistaken impression that someone gives a rats' ass about his opinion. Sure, he's right that America labors under the delusion that our military technology is superior to all other nations and that's always good for an easy laugh at mixed company parties at the Pentagon, but he's missing the hard facts that everyone else hasn't really done anything to strike terror into the hearts of man the way Dennis Kucinich does every time he mentions outer space and urban renewal. Sure, that Iranian guy, who looks like a bearded combination of Moe Howard and the foreign guy from That 70's Show, has a bomb and no idea how he got into a position of power. So, that's troubling, but it's Iran and they only have Holy Wars that are declared by holy men and I don't see any at the moment, unless the Ayatollah is still alive and not just lying in state,which if that's the case, someone needs to notify his next of kin and get the man a decent public ceremony with a sect that has some seniority and clout. I'm sure your friend said that North Korea could count as a country that can beat us up, but all it takes is one look at their leader Mr. Kim Jong to discount that one. The guy looks like Bobby Lee from Mad TV when he's dressed as Margaret Cho. No, Little Timmy, your buddy is just mixed up and confused about alot of things, like how his dad can be a highly trained surgeon in his old country and a barely trained Telemarketer in the good old U S of A. Chaos suggests you go over to your pals' house with a peace offering of a personalized Jart and War of Hate Things T-Shirt made by you from one of your own T-shirts and a bad permanent marker and I think all will be swell with you two boys. Oh, to be young and full of hope again, like you kids are right now. It only gets worse from here, if you listen to Lou Dobbs and his doddering, old man thoughts that make you wonder when he will be wheeled off the set and into assisted living or some other place where he can eat his strained apricots without getting interrupted by reality. Until next time, keep doing what your parents tell you to and everything will come out in the wash,
Toodles,
Your Big Imposing Friend,
American Chaos
P.S.- You're right, different is funny and nothing is funnier than the red dot in the middle of Meeshmur's mom's forehead. Just don't mention we said that if you value your friendship.
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