NEWS ACROSS
From the homophobic shores of California to the narrow-minded homes in Delaware Bay, From the tall-pined northwood homeland of the Michigan militia to the trigger happy hearts of the southern border patrol comes the only news thats for yous, News Across America!!!!
PRESIDENT FACES LOUD, DANGEROUS DUMB PEOPLE WHO CAN MAKE FISTS
The President continues to face stiff opposition on his health care plan from people who are louder, dumber, more dangerous than anyone cares to know and can make a fist like the one at the left. The almost exclusively out of touch white group, bear a striking resemblance to the same group that protested Tax Day by carrying handguns, hoisting racially insulting signs of the Prez, and not being able to put an entire sentence together without prompting from Glenn Beck, Fox News or Rush Limbaugh's Excrement in Broadcasting and at least three of the four words involved in that same sentence. The latest news has the anti-health care group trying to shout down some Senator while misquoting the bible, the facts about healthcare in America, and calling anything the government does socialism with the sound of a bleeting sheep, Rosie O'Donnell or both. But not all is bad news. The group is vocally tight. Some even started to shout in choral rounds, four part harmony, and non-sensical tongues. By the end of the day many were shaking on the ground and surprised to find the ground had opened up and swallowed them whole. Sucks to be them.PALIN MAY BE CURSED WITH SAME DISEASE THAT STRUCK DORIAN GRAY
The picture on the left is one of Sarah Palin without her makeup or those glasses that make every neocon fantasize about things that even the Kennedy boys would find tasteless and perverted. Palin is actually alot older than many think and her husband could only say " I don't know why, but I can never go up in the attic and look at this picture somebody painted of her years ago." You know what they say a picture is worth a thousand words most of which can't be repeated in public without legal representation. The former governor smiled charmingly and roared in a voice that would shatter the gates of hell "The picture is not getting older, the liberal media is getting older." More on this story when actual facts or details pass by this desk.HEALTH CARE BEARS LATEST ATTEMPT TO MAKE MONEY OFF MAJOR ISSUE
Finally, it looks like fans of the Care Bears can look forward to their involvement in the health care issue as they head into syndication this August with a new Health Care Bears Show that has our old pals facing issues on aging parents, single payer socialism, and finding a new place to live where prescriptions don't cost a whole tree full of honey and shiny items. Wow, the Health Care Bears, that really is a stretch, but well worth it if you can even remember who the Care Bears are in the first place.
Finally, it looks like fans of the Care Bears can look forward to their involvement in the health care issue as they head into syndication this August with a new Health Care Bears Show that has our old pals facing issues on aging parents, single payer socialism, and finding a new place to live where prescriptions don't cost a whole tree full of honey and shiny items. Wow, the Health Care Bears, that really is a stretch, but well worth it if you can even remember who the Care Bears are in the first place.This has been News Across America, join us next week when we find out who the hot spicy number is at the Supreme Court.
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