Dear Chaos,
I am in the 3rd grade at Lincoln Washington Elementary School in Jeffersonburg, Iowa. I like things that fight things and that one funny show on the kids network. My best friend since I was in pre-school at Drive-in Drop off Day Care Center is Mike Shandles. He has a game playing system that is a blast and his Dad can make his tattoos dance after he drinks some smelly beer. I hate girls because their icky and they have cooties or some other disgusting thing that makes them scream in groups and ruin every game that the boys play at recess. My mom says I'll change my mind when I'm older, but I hope she's wrong because the only girl that is cool and I would want to marry is Miss Smudge, my teacher in second grade who let us play with guns and laughed when we made a sound like a fart. I am writing you because my dad is in the war in Iraq and I want him to come back and be with me all the time again. He can beat up all the other dads and he is smarter than all Presidents. He said he completed his job and they made him do another. How come he is doing another job? When I am done with my jobs at home I get to play with my friends and make fun of my 5 year old sister Jenny and the way she can't say the word car without it sounding like cow. I was hoping you could talk to the President about getting my dad home soon since you are the whole country according to your picture. My friend Mike and me might even get the kids together to send a letter to the President telling him that we are mad about this and probably will not like him anymore if my dad doesn't come home by the time I start third grade. Can you tell us what to do about this?,
Your friend and fan,
Little Timmy Templeman
PS: Here is a picture of me so you will know that I am being for real
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